In addition to all the other daily issues one normally struggles with, I am a chronic Depression sufferer, which means it is often hard for me to find motivation or enthusiasm for much of ANYTHING at times.
Add to this trying to tackle a project out of my league (at the moment), with a lot of prep work required, and that just makes it worse. Then add guilt at thinking about dropping it, and it gets worse. And so on.
But the truth is, the more I think about it, the less enthused I currently am. All of the prep, and everything else that goes along with, is feeling like work. Work isn't fun. Thus exacerbating the issues above.
I'm starting to come to grips with the idea that, for now, I would really like to just PLAY and not do a bunch of campaign work. That I should probably settle on one "out-of-the-box" system. Same for campaign setting, or at least one that I know intimately, or by default (modern), or emerges from play (D&D sandbox).
I think I need to lay off the home brew for now. It's too overwhelming and is standing in the way of actually getting something going. SO...I think I'm putting that project on hold for now, and may try to get something going that I can just improvise and freestyle better. More on that later.